Regina George's How To: Lose Three Pounds

                Think of something that 99.999999% of all females in the United States want to do right now.  The top of their list.  Their solution to any and every problem that comes their way.  “The boys will love me.” “My clothes will look fabulous.”  “My legs wouldn’t stick together when I walk.”  “I can participate in “Yoga Pant Thursdays!””  (Didn’t get that memo, by the way.)  “I have the cutest two-piece…” 

Hopefully you’ve figured it out by now that I am talking about weight loss.  Oh, yes.  I went there.  Though it may seem cliché of me to write about this topic, I can’t help it.  The struggle is among every girl out there; whether you’re a middle-aged woman with hormone drops, a twelve year old girl being called “Piggy” at school, or so anorexic that people mistake you for a broom. 

Regina George off of Mean Girls (If you haven’t seen it, call Blockbuster!) really wanted to lose three pounds!  Thinking about it and stressing over it only made her eat more and more and more.  Although it didn’t help that Cady slipped her “nutrition” bars...  You get my point!  She blew up like a balloon and couldn’t fit into anything but sweatpants.  Focusing nonstop on it and trying to lose weight will often work in reverse for us, causing us to gain even more weight. 

Losing weight is a very temperamental process.  One calorie over and you tip the scale… literally.  You constantly debate over whether or not to have a salad that day for lunch or Sour Patch Kids.  “Will it give me enough energy to get through my running workout today for Track?  Constantly, we think about this.  Then at the end of the day you “hog out.”  Eat anything within your reach and, how could I forget, the contents of your refrigerator.  Needless to say it’s hard “sticking to your guns” and continuing to eat like a rabbit auditioning to become Garden’s Next Top Model…. You get my point.

                Which leads me to how painful it is to see people around us, stuffing their faces with candy and fast-food.  That’s really fair.  They get to eat whatever they want, whenever they want while my metabolism has a vendetta against me.  I’m over here reading nutrition facts on Wrigley’s and Ice Breakers. 

In Bad Teacher (Again, if you haven’t seen it, go rent it NOW!), Cameron Diaz stars as a teacher with a “smokin’ hot bod.”  Remember when Lynn, a fellow teacher who is a little overweight and has a low self-esteem, ask her if she wants to go grab some lunch?  Notice what Diaz eats, and notice what the overweight Lynn eats.  While showing her inappropriateness as a teacher, Diaz inhales her fries and greasy burger.  Across the table Lynn is politely nibbling on a salad.  I just can’t fathom it.  “Take it easy, Morgan.  It’s only a movie.”  This is where I push pause and go Tweet some #fatgirlprobs. 

I wish I knew all the secrets.  You know?  All of “The South Beach Diets” that our mothers read and what not.  The problem with fad diets is: once you lose your eight pounds of feces through eating nothing but cabbage soup for two straight weeks, you gain it back instantly.  Fad diets simply don’t teach you discipline or healthy eating habits.  You will surely go back to eating Zebra Cakes and wishing your socks didn’t cut off your foot circulation.  Sorry, “Cosmo” magazine.  You lose.

As for my advice: I would say eat healthy, but reward yourself often!  I shudder to think what life without chocolate is like.  Stay active, and eat the right things, at the right times and at the right portions.  You should be fine.  Our body types have an awful lot to do with our weight and body composition also.  For example:  My 5’2” best friend isn’t going to weigh the same as me, a foot taller.  Keep yourself at a comfortable weight for you!  Not a comfortable weight for a male, magazine, or society for that matter.  You know Teen Vogue is photo shopped, right? J (685)